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Gentleness, caring and love 

by Tariq Ramadan


Wednesday 14 June 2006,


In his daily life, while he was preoccupied by attacks, treachery and his enemies thirst for revenge, he remained mindful of the details of life and of the expectations of those around him, constantly allying rigor and the generosity of fraternity and forgiveness. His companions saw him pray for hours during the night, alone, away from men, in solitude with the whisper of his prayers and invocations which nurtured his dialogue with the One. `Aishah, his wife, was impressed and surprised: Dont you take on too much [worship] while God has already forgiven all your past and future sins? And the Prophet answered: How could I but be a thankful servant?[i] He did not demand of his companions the worship, fasting and meditations which he exacted of himself. On the contrary, he required that they ease their burden and avoid excess; to some companions who wanted to put an end to their sexual life, pray all night long or fast continuously (such as `Uthmn ibn Maz`n or `Abdullah ibn `Amr ibn al-`As), he said: Do not do that! Fast on some days and eat on others. Sleep part of the night, and stand in prayer another part. For your body has rights upon you, your eyes have a right upon you, you wife has a right upon you, your guest has a right upon you...[ii] He once exclaimed, repeating it three times: Woe to those who exaggerate [who are too strict]![iii] And, on another occasion, he said: Moderation, moderation! For only with moderation will you succeed.[iv]

He kept striving to soothe the consciences of believers who were afraid of their own weaknesses and failings. One day, the companion Hanzalah al-Usayd met Ab Bakr and confessed to him that he was convinced of his own deep hypocrisy because he felt divided between contradictory feelings: in the Prophets presence, he almost saw paradise and hell, but when he was away from him, his wife and children and his affairs caused him to forget. Ab Bakr in his turn admitted that he experienced similar tensions. They both went to the Prophet to question him about the seemingly dismal state of their spirituality. Hanzalah explained the nature of his doubts and Muhammad answered: By He who holds my soul in His hands, if you were able to remain in the [spiritual] state in which you are when in my company, and remember God permanently, the angels would shake your hands in your beds and along your paths. But it is not so, Hanzalah: there is a time for this [devotion, remembrance] and a time for that [rest, amusement].[v] Their situation therefore had nothing to do with hypocrisy: it was merely the reality of human nature, that remembers and forgets, and that needs to remember precisely because it forgets; because human beings are not angels.

In other circumstances, he would surprise them by stating that the sincerity of a prayer, a charity or an act of worship found expression at the very heart of their most human needs, in the humble acknowledgement of their humanity: Enjoining good is charity, forbidding evil is charity. In having sexual intercourse with your spouses there is charity. The companions, surprised, asked: O Messenger of God, when one of us satisfies his (sexual) desire, does he also get a reward? Muhammad replied: Tell me, if one of you had had illicit intercourse, would he not have committed a sin? That is why he is rewarded for having lawful intercourse.[vi] He thus invited them to deny or despise nothing in their humanity and taught them that the core of the matter was achieving self-control. Spirituality means both accepting and mastering ones instincts: living ones natural desires in the light of ones principles is a prayer. It is never a misdeed, nor is it hypocrisy.

The Prophet hated to let his companions nurture a pointless feeling of guilt. He kept telling them that they must never stop conversing with the One, the Most Kind, the Most Merciful who welcomes everyone in His grace and benevolence and who loves the sincerity of hearts that regret and return to Him. This is the profound meaning of at-tawbah offered to every conscience: sincerely returning to God after a slip, a mistake, a sin. God loves that sincere return to Him and He forgives and purifies. The Prophet himself exemplified that in many circumstances. Once, a Bedouin came and urinated in the mosque: the companions rushed on him and wanted to beat him up. The Prophet stopped them and said: Leave him alone, and just throw a bucketful of water on his urine. God has only sent you to make obligations easy, and not to make them difficult.[vii] Again, `Aishah reports that once, a man came to the Prophet and told him: I am lost! The Prophet asked: Why? The man confessed: I had intercourse with my wife during the fasting hours of Ramadan. Muhammad answered: Give charity! The man replied: I own nothing! Then he sat down at a short distance from the Prophet. Some time later, a man arrived, bringing a dish of food.[viii] The Prophet called out: Where is the man who is lost? Here, he answered. Muhammad told him: Take this food and give it away in charity. To one poorer than myself? My family has nothing to eat! Well then, eat it yourselves, the Prophet replied with a smile.[ix] That gentleness and kindness were the very essence of his teaching. He kept saying: God is gentle (Rafq) and he loves gentleness (ar-rifq) in everything.[x] He also said: He gives for gentleness what He does not give for violence or anything else.[xi] He declared to one of his companions: There are in you two qualities that God loves: clemency (al-hilm) and forbearance [nobleness, tolerance] (al-an).[xii] He invited all his companions to that constant effort of gentleness and forgiveness: If you hear about your brother something of which you disapprove, seek from one to seventy excuses for him. If you cannot find any, convince yourselves that it is an excuse you do not know.[xiii]

A number of new converts to Islam, who had no home and often nothing to eat, had settled around the mosque, near the Prophets dwelling. They were destitute (sometimes intentionally since some of them wished to lead an ascetic life detached from worldly possessions) and their subsistence depended on the Muslims charity and gifts. Their number kept increasing and they were soon called ahl as-suffah (the people of the bench).[xiv] The Prophet was most concerned by their situation and showed them continuous solidarity. He would listen to them, answer their questions and look after their needs. One of the characteristics of his personality and of his teachings, with ahl as-suffah as with the rest of his community, was that when asked about matters of spirituality, faith, education or doubt, he offered different answers to the same questions, taking into account the psychological makeup, experience and intelligence of the questioner.

The faithful felt that he saw, respected, understood and loved them, and indeed, he did love them, he told them so, and he moreover advised them to remember to tell one another of their mutual love: When someone loves their brother [or sister] let them tell them that they love them.[xv] He once took young Mu`dh ibn Jabal by the hand and whispered: O Mu`dh, by God, I love you. And I advise you, o Mu`dh, never to forget to say, after each ritual prayer: O God, help me remember You, thank You and perfect my worship of You.[xvi] Thus the young man was offered, in one outburst, both love and spiritual teaching, and the teaching was all the more deeply assimilated as it was wrapped in that love.


[i] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr and Muslim.

[ii] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr.

[iii] Hadth reported by Muslim.

[iv] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr.

[v] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr and Muslim.

[vi] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr and Muslim.

[vii] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr.

[viii] According to one version, he brought some dates. Another narrator, called `Abd ar-Rahmn, said that he did not know what kind of food it was.

[ix] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr and Muslim.

[x] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr and Muslim.

[xi] Hadth reported by al-Bukhr.

[xii] Hadth reported by Muslim.

[xiii] Hadth reported by al-Bayhaq.

[xiv] A bench had been set up for them near the mosque. Some commentators, looking for the origin of the word sf (sufism), have linked it to those ahl as-suffah some of whom had deliberately chosen to be poor and withdraw from the world, its desires and possessions.

[xv] Hadth hassan (reliable) reported by Ab Dwud and at-Tirmidh.

[xvi] Hadth reported by Ab Dwud and an-Nas


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