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Quality Time

April 20, 2008 at 2:10 am (Marriage)  

What is it: Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention.

Togetherness: This is not referring to proximity, but to focused attention. It doesn’t mean gazing into each other eyes (gag me…do people do that?) It is doing something together and giving the other person your full attention. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, just the fact that you’re doing it together. For example, playing tennis.

Most people who complain that their spouse doesn’t talk (hehe women), don’t necessarily mean that their spouse isn’t saying a word. They mean that they are not sympathetic listeners. This is when your spouse shares experiences, self-revelation and listens to you. Do not analyze what your spouse is saying and offer solutions. For men, if you present them with a problem, they think what you want is a solution. Women just need to be heard; they want to vent. It’s therapeutic for them to just talk things out. (Sometimes, however, they do want a solution….)

Being a good listener is very important to your spouse if quality time is his/her primary love language.

Tips if your Spouse’s Primary Love Language is Quality Time

1. Ask your spouse where she most enjoys sitting when talking to you. The next week, call her one afternoon and say, “I want to make a date with you to sit on (insert favorite place here) and talk. Which night and what time would be best for you?”

2. Think of an activity that your spouse enjoys, but which brings little pleasure to you: sports, crafts, etc. Tell your spouse you want to make a date to do this activity with them. Ask questions while you play and show interest.

3. Make time every day to share what’s going in your life. Make it a point to put away all other work you’re doing and give your spouse your undivided attention.

4. Have a “Let’s review our history” evening once every three months. You can talk about your childhood and your family before marriage, etc.

5. Have a 5 minute Halaqa with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be long. Just pick a story from the Seerah that you like a lot, or a new companion you heard about, or something new you heard at the khutbah that gave your Imaan a boost.

6. Play the “sahabah game.” My sisters and I “invented” this. We play it like 21 questions. You and your spouse choose a sahabah, or any figure from Islamic history (a prophet, etc), for each other. You each have to guess “who you are” by asking questions. The questions you ask can only have a “yes” or a “no” response. 

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