Ideal qualities of man and woman
    Posted by: "moosalq moosa" moosalq@yahoo.com moosalq
    Date: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:30 pm

The sayings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Mu` meneen Brothers and Sisters, As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah`s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

‘The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Mu` meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah`s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalaam Aleikum,
I wanted to enquire the most ideal qualities of a muslim husband and also the most ideal qualities in a muslim wife. I have witnessed many failed marriage arrangements and wanted some guidance on this issue. What are the qualitis that women look for in an ideal husband and vice versa?
Jazakallah.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Ideal qualities of man and woman
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Ref: Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) when seeking a husband:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said, `When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.`

Ref: Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) when seeking a wife:
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith  7.27         Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Ref: Some Guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) for the brothers:
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3263        Narrated by Aisha
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252        Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465     Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-`As
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469     Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096        Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah`s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358        Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq
The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise ."

Ref: Some of the Lords and His Messenger’s (saws) guidance towards the sisters:
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34      Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other and because they support them from their means.  Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband`s) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husband’s property and honor, etc.)

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah`s Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258        Narrated by Mu`adh ibn Jabal
The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed her husband in this world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens (of Paradise ) saying, "You must not annoy him. Allah curse you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254        Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah`s Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

Your Question: What are the qualitis that women look for in an ideal husband and vice versa?
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, in light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, if one were to sum up the quality or characteristic that one should look out for or seek when contemplating marriage is the absolute prime quality of ‘taqwa’ (God-consciousness, piety, fear of Allah and His Day of Accounting, righteousness, obedience of Allah’s Laws, etc.). 

If one bases the decision of one’s marriage on the quality of level of one’s ‘taqwa’, Allah is our witness brother, one would have made the right decision and choice….for this one quality supercedes every other characteristic or quality….and it is this one quality that will remain the root of every good done or said by that person, and the root for abstaining from every evil and sin and oppression and injustice.

It is only the level of one’s ‘taqwa’ that raises one’s honor in the Sight of Allah, and believe it or not brother, whenever the promise of Paradise is made by Allah Subhanah in His Glorious Qruan, more often than not, it is related to the characteristic of ‘taqwa’!

Allah says in the Holy Quran: Chapter 49 Surah Hujurat verse 13:
O mankind, We created you from one man and one woman, and then divided you into nations and tribes so that you may recognize one another.  Indeed, the most honorable among you in the sight of Allah is he who has the most ‘taqwa’ amongst you.  Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

If one studies the Glorious Quran, one would realize that more often than not, wherever Allah Subhanah Promises His slaves the Eternal Gardens of Paradise , the manifestation of the term ‘taqwa’ is almost always associated with it!

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 133:
133    Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth; prepared for the ‘Muttaqeen’.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 50 Surah Qaaf verses 31-33:
31      And the Garden will be brought nigh to the ‘Muttaqeen’, no more a thing distant.
32      (A voice will say:) "This is what was promised for you, for everyone who turned (to Allah) in sincere repentance who kept (his law).
33      "Who feared (Allah) Most Gracious unseen and brought a heart turned in devotion (to Him):

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 52 Surah Tur verses 17-18:
17      As to the ‘Muttaqeen’ they will be in Gardens and in Happiness
18      Enjoying the (Bliss) which their Lord hath bestowed on them and their Lord shall deliver them from the Penalty of the Fire.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah Qalam verse 34:
34      Verily for the ‘Muttaqeen’ are Gardens of Delight in the Presence of their Lord.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 31:
31      Gardens of Eternity which they will enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will have therein all that they wish: thus doth Allah reward the ‘Muttaqeen’

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verses 15-16:
15      Say: "Is that (fire) better or the eternal Gardens promised to the ‘Muttaqeen’? For them that is a reward as well as a goal (of attainment).
16      "For them there will be therein all that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise to be prayed for from thy Lord."

Thus in conclusion brother, when seeking marriage, seek the level of ‘taqwa’ of the suitor, and Allah is our witness brother, there is no quality which will serve the believer more in this world and the Hereafter than this supreme and invaluable quality and characteristic of ‘taqwa’ or piety.

Every other quality or characteristic, regardless of whether it be wealth, looks, status, rank, color, race, language, beauty, lineage, etc. by its very nature is belittled by the supreme quality of ‘taqwa’! 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),   one can be assured of never ever being misled;   but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.   

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone.  Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan

To ask a question please email to mailto:burhan@islamhelpline.com